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I love you, (if) you love me

Someone wanting to be with you needs to be a prerequisite for you wanting to be with them. ⁣

Many people I talk to about dating have a long laundry list of specifics for what they are looking for in a partner: inquisitive, adventurous, can laugh at themselves, driven, takes good care of themselves, etc. ⁣

In my hundreds and hundreds of conversations, I have actually never heard a single person - NOT ONE! - include "also wants to be with me" on this list without me prompting the question: ⁣

So, do you want to be with someone who also wants to be with you?⁣

In theory, all of us would say FUCK YES.⁣

In practice, I often observe behaviors & choices that indicate otherwise. ⁣

Do you want to spend time with someone who also wants to spend time with you?⁣

If yes, then someone demonstrating to you that they are not invested in spending time with you disqualifies them as someone with whom you want to spend time. ⁣

(goddamn, I love busting out a good "whom")⁣

A "rejection" is just information gathered that this person is not available for the kind of connection you want.⁣

So please, lil pups, stop barking up those trees. 🐶🌲

There is, of course, a caveat I want to present here: in all personal relationships (platonic & romantic) there are ebbs and flows, eras wherein the two of you are more in sync and eras wherein there is more distance between you & one or both of you is truly not as available for personal or circumstantial reasons. ⁣

This can be especially true in the early stages of dating. Interest & emotional investment are not guaranteed to develop at exactly the same pace for both people. ⁣

I want to encourage you to leave some space for this reality before jumping ship. 🛳 ⁣

AND. If someone is demonstrating little to no interest & investment in you, no matter how much you might like them (or, let's be real, how much you might like the IDEA of them), they are simply taking themselves out of the running as a contender for your sweet sweet heart. 💗⁣


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© 2020 by Cora Boyd Enterprises LLC